Stage Managing My Disability - My Story
Disclaimer: This will be kind of a long one
Hello, and welcome to my new blog! My name is Michael and this is The Staged Stigma of Disability. First, before we get too far, let me tell you a little about myself and about the name of this blog. I am a 31 year old member of the LGBTQA+ community living in the Washington, DC area. I am married to the love of my life, have a wonderful job, and my life is overall amazing. I am also a community theatre actor and aspiring professional actor.
I was also born with Spina Bifida Myelomeningocele, a congenital defect that consists of an opening in the spinal column. Through multiple surgeries since birth that include having the opening in my spinal column closed, having a shunt (a device that drains spinal fluid from the brain to the spinal column) inserted, and multiple heel cord releases on my right leg, which my Spina Bifida predominantly affects, I live a mostly normal life. The only way you would ever know I have Spina Bifida is that I walk with a limp.
Which leads me back to acting. First, let me start off saying that I am a theatre ADDICT. I am obsessed with Broadway. I saw Beauty and the Beast in New York when I was in the 6th grade and the rest is history. For my high school graduation present, my parents took me back to New York to see my all time favorite musical, RENT.
After seeing Beauty and the Beast I decided theatre was something I would like to try my hand at myself, and I instantly fell in love with being on the stage. I did a lot of theatre through middle and high school, and I did a series of small performances while in college. After college I moved to the DC area for a job and decided I would try my hand at some local community theatre auditions. It was then that I got a big reality check. I'll never forget one of my first experiences.
I got out of the audition feeling great, I thought I had really nailed it. And the reality was, I had - but I still didn't get the role. One thing I always like to to do when I don't get a part is I reply to the person and ask if there were any tips or thoughts the person had that I could use moving onto other auditions. Most times, they do not respond - this one did though, and I will never forget his response.
"Look, you were great, really, but the role you auditioned for just doesn't call for someone who walks like you."
It was then I realized that I was no longer in the high school or college theatre world where we always had a lack of people auditioning, specifically men, and there was always a good chance I would be cast regardless of my limp - this was real life. Now, this would not be the only time that I would hear this comment or something similar to this comment. In fact, at one point after hearing it so often it shattered my confidence to the point that I decided to quit acting all together - and for 5 years, I did. I just... gave up. I decided that if that was how it would be, why bother trying if I'm going to keep getting the same result?
It wasn't until I met my now husband that I got back into doing what I love, after a lot of pushing and encouragement. I am so glad he did and he continues to push me daily to pursue what I love. (I love you, babe).
5 years and 12 shows later, here I am. It has not been easy, of course. There are still auditions I go on where I do not get the role and I hear a lot of the same things I did before my hiatus. BUT, having said that, I have been very lucky to work with several community theatres around the area that do not see my limp as a weakness, but a part of me that does not negate my acting abilities.
To wrap up what is already a longer post that I anticipated, let's be real - as an actor with a physical limitation (I refuse to use the term "differently abled"), I fully recognize that the roles I play may be limited. I understand that as a person who walks with a limp, I will not be able to play a character that does not walk with a limp if that is what the director wants. "Othering" in the theatre community when it comes to disabilities is very real - an actor that does not walk with a limp, or is not blind, or is not deaf, can play a character that walks with a limp or is blind or is deaf, or any other kind of physical disability or limitation (Bryan Cranston in The Upside comes to mind), but the same is not true the other way around.
Let me be super clear, I am NOT saying that only actors with disabilities or limitations should play roles that are disabled or have limitations. If someone is a better actor than me and does a better job, fair enough, I 100% accept that. What I do not accept, however, is when directors will not even be open to considering the idea that a character could walk with a limp, or have any other limitation. What I do not accept is when we are told that an easy fix to this would be to start our own company for only disabled actors and actors with other physical limitations (another response I commonly hear when people think they are "helping"). I will say this only once, the example I just used is one that others in the disability community have heard and continue to hear. While it is a current reality actors like myself face, the truth is we should not have to start our own companies or limit the roles we audition for for people like us to be seen and do what we love, and I hope that we can live in a world one day soon where that will no longer be an issue.
As I continue to write my blog, I plan to share stories about myself, what I am doing with my acting, how I am doing with it, and sharing inspiring stories of other actors and actresses who identify as disabled and are working hard to pursue their acting dreams and not only succeeding, but flourishing.
Let me finish by saying one thing: I and other disabled/physically limited actors DO NOT want every role, nor do we deserve to get every role, I cannot stress that enough. But I do believe that we have the right to be seen and considered just the same as everyone else. I think we deserve at least that much.
Thank you for reading.
Hello, and welcome to my new blog! My name is Michael and this is The Staged Stigma of Disability. First, before we get too far, let me tell you a little about myself and about the name of this blog. I am a 31 year old member of the LGBTQA+ community living in the Washington, DC area. I am married to the love of my life, have a wonderful job, and my life is overall amazing. I am also a community theatre actor and aspiring professional actor.
I was also born with Spina Bifida Myelomeningocele, a congenital defect that consists of an opening in the spinal column. Through multiple surgeries since birth that include having the opening in my spinal column closed, having a shunt (a device that drains spinal fluid from the brain to the spinal column) inserted, and multiple heel cord releases on my right leg, which my Spina Bifida predominantly affects, I live a mostly normal life. The only way you would ever know I have Spina Bifida is that I walk with a limp.
Which leads me back to acting. First, let me start off saying that I am a theatre ADDICT. I am obsessed with Broadway. I saw Beauty and the Beast in New York when I was in the 6th grade and the rest is history. For my high school graduation present, my parents took me back to New York to see my all time favorite musical, RENT.
After seeing Beauty and the Beast I decided theatre was something I would like to try my hand at myself, and I instantly fell in love with being on the stage. I did a lot of theatre through middle and high school, and I did a series of small performances while in college. After college I moved to the DC area for a job and decided I would try my hand at some local community theatre auditions. It was then that I got a big reality check. I'll never forget one of my first experiences.
I got out of the audition feeling great, I thought I had really nailed it. And the reality was, I had - but I still didn't get the role. One thing I always like to to do when I don't get a part is I reply to the person and ask if there were any tips or thoughts the person had that I could use moving onto other auditions. Most times, they do not respond - this one did though, and I will never forget his response.
"Look, you were great, really, but the role you auditioned for just doesn't call for someone who walks like you."
It was then I realized that I was no longer in the high school or college theatre world where we always had a lack of people auditioning, specifically men, and there was always a good chance I would be cast regardless of my limp - this was real life. Now, this would not be the only time that I would hear this comment or something similar to this comment. In fact, at one point after hearing it so often it shattered my confidence to the point that I decided to quit acting all together - and for 5 years, I did. I just... gave up. I decided that if that was how it would be, why bother trying if I'm going to keep getting the same result?
It wasn't until I met my now husband that I got back into doing what I love, after a lot of pushing and encouragement. I am so glad he did and he continues to push me daily to pursue what I love. (I love you, babe).
5 years and 12 shows later, here I am. It has not been easy, of course. There are still auditions I go on where I do not get the role and I hear a lot of the same things I did before my hiatus. BUT, having said that, I have been very lucky to work with several community theatres around the area that do not see my limp as a weakness, but a part of me that does not negate my acting abilities.
To wrap up what is already a longer post that I anticipated, let's be real - as an actor with a physical limitation (I refuse to use the term "differently abled"), I fully recognize that the roles I play may be limited. I understand that as a person who walks with a limp, I will not be able to play a character that does not walk with a limp if that is what the director wants. "Othering" in the theatre community when it comes to disabilities is very real - an actor that does not walk with a limp, or is not blind, or is not deaf, can play a character that walks with a limp or is blind or is deaf, or any other kind of physical disability or limitation (Bryan Cranston in The Upside comes to mind), but the same is not true the other way around.
Let me be super clear, I am NOT saying that only actors with disabilities or limitations should play roles that are disabled or have limitations. If someone is a better actor than me and does a better job, fair enough, I 100% accept that. What I do not accept, however, is when directors will not even be open to considering the idea that a character could walk with a limp, or have any other limitation. What I do not accept is when we are told that an easy fix to this would be to start our own company for only disabled actors and actors with other physical limitations (another response I commonly hear when people think they are "helping"). I will say this only once, the example I just used is one that others in the disability community have heard and continue to hear. While it is a current reality actors like myself face, the truth is we should not have to start our own companies or limit the roles we audition for for people like us to be seen and do what we love, and I hope that we can live in a world one day soon where that will no longer be an issue.
As I continue to write my blog, I plan to share stories about myself, what I am doing with my acting, how I am doing with it, and sharing inspiring stories of other actors and actresses who identify as disabled and are working hard to pursue their acting dreams and not only succeeding, but flourishing.
Let me finish by saying one thing: I and other disabled/physically limited actors DO NOT want every role, nor do we deserve to get every role, I cannot stress that enough. But I do believe that we have the right to be seen and considered just the same as everyone else. I think we deserve at least that much.
Thank you for reading.
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